What's going on lately is that I'm fat, and we're busy.
To having this reflection in the window at night.
Jake thinks it works out nicely as a pillow though...
Our Plethora of Classes
We are going to 3 different types of classes, reading 2 books, I'm supposed to do daily stretches, take the pills, eat the dates, slather creams on my gut, finish renovations, buy all the stuff we need, organize it, yoga, baths, see the shrink, say daily affirmations, do the meditations, weekly doctor appointments, etc. It's seriously exhausting especially when this is your biggest fear in life and facing each tiny part of it is a miracle.... it never ends.
But in the end I think it's been good for me because of all the denial I was in for the first 6 months, because it's forced me to become if not comfortable with it, at least desensitized to some of it so that it's not as icky. lol (I'm the most mature person you know right?)
And some of it has been really helpful and really good, so in the end I'm glad we tried because we never would have known what worked and what didn't. My case is a lot more intense than others' and dallin says he has seen extraordinary improvement from the beginning so he says it's working.
But when I tried to explain it to him, I said imagine they tell you that in 9 months you're going to have to swim neck-deep in a pool full of snakes. And in the mean time they make you go to classes where you learn about snakes, read books about snakes, have a snake wrapped around your body so you can't move, go to therapy and answer questions about snakes, say affirmations about snakes, meditate about snakes, rub the snake with lotion, learn about all the different methods that people get in this pool of snakes, and in the end you know that you will be in that pool of snakes and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
haha
He was like, "woah that'd be freaky"
But his job hasn't been easy either- I would say it's just as hard on him because he wants to help and he is just as busy and doesn't know how to make this anxiety go away for me. He has constantly been there for me and I really don't think I could do it without him. He talks the sense back into me when I'm spiraling and he calms me down when I have nightmares and gets to me think about other things or gets me to realize that it's irrational.
So to say we are both looking forward to the middle of April would be the understatement of the year. Once "the event" is over I won't be scared anymore and we will just get the fun part and the whole reason why we have to do all this nonsense.
And really I have been lucky because I have been perfectly fine, no complications, everything is going like it should, and I haven't been like extra hormonal or anything. I know it sounds like I'm an emotional wreck- but Dallin says I'm the same. This fear has been there ever since I can remember so that's not anything different. Every time I take a new step that I was super afraid of that I have heard horror stories about, it's no big deal and not that bad. So I'm starting to think that my fear is everybody else's fault because they wanted to be dramatic and freak me out. lol (Because taking accountability for irrational fear is out of the question haha )
This is our gorgeous hospital. We have been lucky that we've been kindof funneled to the right places and people because it could have gone either way- we don't know what we're doing! haha But apparently it's a "baby friendly" hospital, has a bunch of cool stuff other places dont, and it's beautiful, and the people are really nice.
But in the end I think it's been good for me because of all the denial I was in for the first 6 months, because it's forced me to become if not comfortable with it, at least desensitized to some of it so that it's not as icky. lol (I'm the most mature person you know right?)
And some of it has been really helpful and really good, so in the end I'm glad we tried because we never would have known what worked and what didn't. My case is a lot more intense than others' and dallin says he has seen extraordinary improvement from the beginning so he says it's working.
But when I tried to explain it to him, I said imagine they tell you that in 9 months you're going to have to swim neck-deep in a pool full of snakes. And in the mean time they make you go to classes where you learn about snakes, read books about snakes, have a snake wrapped around your body so you can't move, go to therapy and answer questions about snakes, say affirmations about snakes, meditate about snakes, rub the snake with lotion, learn about all the different methods that people get in this pool of snakes, and in the end you know that you will be in that pool of snakes and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
haha
He was like, "woah that'd be freaky"
But his job hasn't been easy either- I would say it's just as hard on him because he wants to help and he is just as busy and doesn't know how to make this anxiety go away for me. He has constantly been there for me and I really don't think I could do it without him. He talks the sense back into me when I'm spiraling and he calms me down when I have nightmares and gets to me think about other things or gets me to realize that it's irrational.
So to say we are both looking forward to the middle of April would be the understatement of the year. Once "the event" is over I won't be scared anymore and we will just get the fun part and the whole reason why we have to do all this nonsense.
And really I have been lucky because I have been perfectly fine, no complications, everything is going like it should, and I haven't been like extra hormonal or anything. I know it sounds like I'm an emotional wreck- but Dallin says I'm the same. This fear has been there ever since I can remember so that's not anything different. Every time I take a new step that I was super afraid of that I have heard horror stories about, it's no big deal and not that bad. So I'm starting to think that my fear is everybody else's fault because they wanted to be dramatic and freak me out. lol (Because taking accountability for irrational fear is out of the question haha )
This is our gorgeous hospital. We have been lucky that we've been kindof funneled to the right places and people because it could have gone either way- we don't know what we're doing! haha But apparently it's a "baby friendly" hospital, has a bunch of cool stuff other places dont, and it's beautiful, and the people are really nice.
I'm so glad the weather is warming up again! It's so beautiful here now!
Luckily I get to do all of this stuff with a funny, easy going, cool guy like this.
One of our things is called family circle and the main lady and then all the people who go are so cool it has made everything way easier for me. We take turns bringing food, and this was what we made when it was our turn. I will be honest- it was all Dallin. But he did such a good job, it was so good!
At these classes it's so hard for both of us not to just quote "Baby Mama" the whole time lol
"Can I just spray a little pam down there?"
Also sometimes I fight the urge to make barf noises because so much of this is gross. For example, "Don't be alarmed that your kid's first crap is going to look like black, sticky, tar...."
Woof.
Practicing on the current kids.
Josie does not like the swing thing lol
She is looking over like, "When can I get out?"
I was definitely not helpful to Dallin in anyway when he was trying to do this.... lol
But he figured it out like a champ!
School bulletin board and door for February
Making those woven paper hearts was actually harder than it looked and it was really fun!
RIP Granny
My Granny passed away. It was hard but it was for the best. Her quality of life for the last 5 years or so has been horrible, so I'm glad that she is finally able to feel good again.
I was so glad we were able to make it out there and see her in October before she passed.
I was able to face time with Jenny the whole time so that I could see the funeral still. I wanted to go but wasn't able to. My dad, cousin, and brother spoke, and my brother sang. It was a good service. It was 75 degrees and beautiful here but there it was apparently below 0! These were my screenshots of the funeral. 
The good thing is my uncle said that she wasn't in any pain near the end. I think this was hard for everyone but it was especially difficult for my dad. I don't think I have ever heard him be that emotional on the phone. They celebrated her life, and it was a life well-spent. She will be missed.
Below I am on my grandma's lap and trended is on my grampa's.
It takes something like this happening to get you thinking about life. I look up to her for a lot of reasons and I think she taught me things that I couldn't have learned from other people. Like maybe everyone is put in your life for a reason.
(Isn't it weird to see a picture with my parents both together in it?! haha and Trenden looks like he's on the verge of puking...) It's strange how fast time can fly and how much can change in the blink of an eye.
She always put family first. I know a lot of people that don't have close relationships with their grandparents because they simply weren't around. Her and my grampa spent their retirement dividing the year up between all 3 states of their kids so that they could spend as much time as possible with us. She gave me my first job, told me I was beautiful and talented, and helped me toughen up when I was in "cry-baby" phase. She was willing to spend hours on end with me out in her pool in Florida since I liked to swim so much, made me do math workbooks over the summer since I struggled with it, and I watched her be a huge piece in all my cousins' lives as well. She told me I looked like Audrey Hepburn and that I danced so well I could have been on dancing with the stars. She gave me her table, her dressers, and her jewelry. She stayed her sassy self up to about the time my dad moved to Nebraska, and then after that her health was really going down hill. They asked her questions right before she died, and one of them was where is the most beautiful place in the world because they got to do a lot of traveling in retirement. She said Lake Louise in canada, so that is now on my list of places I want to go. She worked so dang hard with kids and a business. I hope that I get her grit to keep on keeping on even when life is miserably hard- and I hope that I can be like her and show up for people. Because I've learned through her and others that the gift of time and being there is the best gift you can give. I don't think I realized how lucky I was that my grandparents (who hated Utah by the way) would be at the "grandparents day" at my school with me when they are from Illinois. There will always be busy crazy schedules, tiredness, other things to do, beef between people, drama in the family, but she taught me that at the end of the day you push those things aside because family is family and you show up. I hope that cooper got to meet her up there in heaven before he comes down because she was a really cool lady.
Baby-Q
We had about a third less people than we thought were coming, but those who did come made us feel really cared about, so big thank you to those people. We also felt so grateful for our friends who planned it because it was a lot of work. It was so nice to feel the love from the people willing to travel from out of state to come, especially when this whole thing is such uncharted territory for us. BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU.
The weather was so nice
The dance teacher that is fat and swollen and can barely move :)
It's so hard to demonstrate anything- pretty much all strength, flexibility, coordination, balance, etc. everything is gone. So I have been using videos or having other people demonstrate, students choreograph or teach, guest teachers come in from studios, parents, etc.
And I still teach and try and stuff but just not in every class. I definitely couldn't all day long.
Cutie Jo jo
The first pic is her looking possessed because she fell asleep with her eyes open. The 2nd is when Dallin caught her red-handed eating a belvita. She looks so ashamed but cute at the same time dallin took a picture as he was telling her that was bad... lol she clearly knows it's bad, but that doesn't seem to stop her.
Super Bowl Sunday!
We loved getting together with friends to watch it
Just more non-flattering pics of me that sum up what our lives are like now
I can't wear shoes-my feet are the size of mac trucks. My face erupted in so many zits the teenagers at work were giving me advice on what they do and what they use. lol
March board!
This one turned out so freakin' cute. I love it.
Dinner with Rabbit and Lisa
This was so fun to see them again!
Craft Night!
We got together and made wreaths, it was really fun!
I love how mine turned out!
I finally found my "happy place"
Apparently to do a massage for someone in my situation they put a big hole in the table. It's glorious! We got memberships. I asked if I could just move in there and never leave, but they said that wasn't an option.
I heart dip nails
Seriously it's so strong and stays looking good for so long, Idk why I didn't do this sooner! (I have to wear the fake ring that I used to wear in college when I wanted to pretend to be married now because my fingers are too fat for my real ring. But this one is pretty too so it's okay. Don't get me wrong I definitely had a break down when I had to switch it, but now I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me.)
More baby shower pics
I was taking to long to try and put them all in one section, so here are the rest. We had such a fun visit with those who came from out of town. This was all of us out to dinner on Valentines day.
Pedicures with Shayle
House Projects
I am horrible at picking paint. Finally I just said screw it and picked something random because I was sick of it. But I think it turned out great!
We finally got the snoo! It was a really good deal on fb marketplace. Hopefully it works!
This is the BEFORE of the upstairs bathroom
And this is the AFTER (so far)
The cabinet color turned out way too light so we were picking which darker gray to go with in this picture
This is the BEFORE (the mirror wasn't framed yet)
This is the AFTER (Dallin made the frame and this is with the darker cabinet paint)
Dallin built me new shelves for my closet, we got a new little bench in there, and this new rug. Josie loves it! haha she sleeps while I get ready in the morning. I seriously love my new bathroom and closet sooooooooo much. I thought it would never end and now that it's almost done it was all worth it because I love being in there. I will post more pictures of the finished product next time I blog because these don't do it justice and there a few finishing touches it needs first.
Work stuff
cookies from sweet students since they know i love them.
Most of the classes are starting on learning their concert dances since I will be gone. So that is always stressful because of course no one is ever okay with their partner and tons of people ask to switch and bla bla bla. lol
They did a pie in the face contest thing to raise money for make a wish so these are my coworkers
This was parent teacher conferences
We got back the staff pic we took at the beginning of the year
They were thoughtful to do that
The students had a hay-day with the balloons all day but other than that it was good. The Lantern Festival
I've always wanted to go to one of these, and now that I have I will say that it is not all that its cracked up to be. HUGE CROWDS. LIKE DISNEY LAND CROWDS! It was just one line after another so you don't really get to enjoy anything.
The black smoke over the crowd was disgusting. It's because they have you use a coal fire and all the coal was rising up. Dallin and Gianna had breathing problems for a few days after that. It was BAD. 
The actual lighting part was really cool!
We wrote little messages on them before we lit them
Some people say that it makes them feel emotional or romantic or whatever. Some people propose at these events. But I didn't feel anything- I was just looking around going "cool"
When we were waiting in the hour-long line for over priced food dallin spotted Ari from the bachelor! he has such an amazing eye for famous people, i would have never noticed. Of course I played it cool and was completely normal about it- NOT.
I creepily walked up to him and stared while saying nothing. lol and I finally took this terrible picture and he started walking back toward me and I just stood there staring like a crazy person. So ya I handled it like a champ.
Desert Belle Cruise with Todd and Rach
We had a blast going to dinner, having a fire out back, and watching the bachelor with them. We love them they are so fun. Anyways we went on another sunset cruise with them and it was fun. This duck wanted to come with haha
This pic shows the goats if you look close enough
Bachelor nights continue!
To quote the office..... "Nobody panic! Nobody F*#+in' panic!!!" -Michael Scott
The class, book, doctor, etc all say it's best to relax and that epsom salt is good so I get to take baths in my brand new amazing tub!!!!!!That quote up top is from the office when Dwight lights the place on fire and locks all the doors. Michael starts running around screaming "Don't panic! Nobody panic!" lol
That was almost my reaction when the nail salon lady said, "you're 36 weeks? Oh might not be long I had mine at 37!" like it was no big deal. And in my head I was Michael Scott running around panicking.
There are only a few days left if you'd like to get in on the betting! Let us know if you would like to place a bet for any of the days that aren't taken!
